Kristen Lundquist Mahosky
I am starting a series of blogs about women of faith and how faith affects their decisions in their leadership journey. Please enjoy this series and reach out to share your story or let me know if you would like to be interviewed.
Women’s rights activist and therapist Kristen Lundquist Mahosky is on a mission to change the opportunities for women of faith in leadership at peacekeeping organizations around the globe. Mahosky recently stepped down as Director of the Center for Women, Faith, and Leadership (CWFL) at the Institute for Global Engagement (IGE) role and serves as a therapist. Kristen has worked and lived in the Middle East and Africa before her work with the IGE.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Kristen about her purpose/service-filled career and the impact she is currently making, along with a vision of her identity and the role of women of faith in leadership roles. A profound observation she shared is important to all of us as women – “one has to find their authentic leadership style.” She said, “Understanding that her leadership style was just as valuable as a ‘male-driven model” freed her to become a leader in her own right.
In exploring her background, we understand her evolution into a “leader of leaders” and an agent of change. She indicates that she was raised with a feminist, progressive view versus traditional marriage and family roles. She was encouraged to pursue an education and become independent. However, the larger community role expectation of getting married by a prescribed age meant she was an outlier and unconventional as a globetrotter. She further explored her identity and discussed her achievements in cultivating deep relationships to navigate conflict and identify toxic relationships. She came to terms with anxiety issues, realizing that knowing herself at a deep level supported her in feeling secure and grounded enough to be vulnerable with others. Although she has a lot of academic and professional accomplishments, they were not mentioned as “high” on her achieved list.
In sharing her behavior patterns and how she has changed, she discussed the idea of authentic prayer – a conversation with God, asking many questions, and leaving room for him to speak back to her some of the most powerful things. The meditation of listening in response to her questions, listening for the Holy Spirit, shapes her life and will shape her daughters’ lives for future generations. Her motivation comes from her faith identity. She shared that when one’s religion fills you with shame and guilt, where you are worth nothing, she found solace in the scripture “For the joy that was set before him, he endured the cross” Heb. 12:2. She sees this passage as the joy that is given to us. God's love for us that he gave his only begotten son (John 3:15) helps us love ourselves. Reconnecting with one’s core self becomes important because we would not be given the second great commandment of loving your neighbor as yourself if we are “awful” – there would be no reason to love ourselves.
Kristen talked about a “journey of learning” as she navigates life. She suggests not holding too tightly to any practice or assumptions about who you are now; rather, accepting time may change life practices. For example, she used to say she was a yoga instructor, biker, or studied ancient history. She realizes she is not a failure if she no longer engages in that behavior.
When sharing one’s identity, the dominant experiences become important. She shared that experiencing her mother’s heart attack was a demarcation that made her realize a seminal point. One day she will be here, and her loved ones will not. Kristen raised an interesting point about our mothers. As we look to our mothers as oral, spiritual, and social guides, how will we, as women of faith, process the death of our mothers, and what will that transition look like?
As Kristen describes her leadership journey, many can relate to “finding our authentic self and voice.” She became interested in a gender focus in programming - the intersection of women of faith in peacebuilding from her interactions at USIP with women of faith from all around the world and the recognition that there was a need for support systems. She began asking questions about honoring and genuinely supporting women of faith as they become involved globally in advocating for vulnerable and marginalized people. After working as an assistant director to develop a program for women, then shifting into the director role, she reflected that “I was led to believe there was one way to lead, and I did not fit that mold,” so she asked herself if she could be that leader and develop a sustainable program.
A mentor challenged her to view leadership through a different lens, suggesting there are many forms of leadership, and each person must be authentic in how they approach leading. With this challenge, she gained the confidence to be her authentic self. She realized that she needed to engage women of faith where they were in their journey and provide support to have a greater voice on the world stage. The programming needed to be a space where women affirm each other and learn self-care to combat isolation and weariness in the difficult work as women in peacebuilding. Programming that includes burnout, compassion fatigue, and unfair criticism from others. Knowing oneself helps one feel emboldened and empowered. Although many leadership programs for women teach public speaking skills, leadership traits, etc., few give women space to bring their faith into the discussion and practice. Discussing the psycho-social aspects of leading, where women can be vulnerable and explore these important questions while continuing to innovate, becomes the inroads for setting healthy boundaries, holding honest communication, and having humility that is not oppressive. Discussions of the internal drive within women help in the connection to the divine-created part of themselves.
Facing many challenges in the development of the program, Kristen was persistent! She quietly and patiently responded to questions about “conventional” leadership, as well as building and sustaining a network that had predominantly been a male-oriented arena. People said to her, “Oh, isn’t that a nice idea” – patting her on the back but not taking her seriously. Rejections to inquiries of funding for a pilot project cause much questioning. Was it a good idea or a crazy idea? Although the program started out to be more academic, formal, diplomatic, and for wives of leaders in developing countries, she thought it was interesting to be described as a leader because you were married to a leader. Developing a program to sustain women was critical in consciously or subconsciously realizing that women need safe places to be vulnerable and get to the roots of their identity and leadership characteristics. The program says to the women that they are inherently worthy, and those around them profit from this understanding of the strengths they bring to the programs where they provide leadership. Believing in yourself and having a sustainable leadership perspective requires understanding trauma compassion fatigue.
One final area that Kristen emphasized was the role of mentors. Mentors are important to help one question and view themselves differently, both within their internal and external selves. To see the positives that others see within you gives one confidence to lead authentically and make decisions for personal and professional roles. Also, to value the importance of the role of family members as mentors. She says her mother believes in her and provides a growth guide. Kristen said that her mother never pushed her at the expense of herself but encouraged her to consider if she was doing all right.
Valuable Lesson in sharing your “Voice”: Kristen’s leadership journey encourages women to be authentic and believe in themselves for sustainable leadership. She shares how faith can overcome past beliefs and prepare us for the future through an intimate prayer life with the creator. Having a network of mentors challenges us and supports us in our leadership roles – find that personal Board of Directors. I want to thank Kristen for sharing her personal leadership journey for Influencing Voices.
As of this posting, Kristen is transitioning to a full-time focus on her mental health practice – The Heights Counseling and Wellness, LLC, with more focus on her toddler and newborn. She will continue to be a Senior Fellow for the Center for Women, Faith, and Leadership and support the programming's mental health and trauma training.